Midlife Strategies for Badass Women

Welcome back to Midlife Strategies for Badass Women! Today, host Sue Willoughby sits down with somatic coach and author Lori Montry to dismantle the heavy, lifelong belief that you are the problem.

Many of our most stubborn habits—like emotional eating, people-pleasing, or overworking—are actually brilliant childhood adaptations designed to keep us safe when our core needs were not met. Lori explains that believing we are the problem gave us a false sense of control as children, but in midlife, it keeps us stuck in survival mode. To truly adapt and change, we don't need more willpower; we need nervous system safety, the capacity to hold change, and cellular energy.

Sue and Lori also explore the danger of constantly overriding our bodies with "no pain, no gain" mentalities and how we can learn from horses, who naturally process external threats and release them without emotional overfunctioning. If you are ready to stop fighting your habits and start tuning into your body's compass, this episode is a must-listen.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why adopting the belief that "I am the problem" was a childhood survival tactic, and how to release it in midlife.

• The three essential conditions required to create lasting change: nervous system safety, capacity, and cellular energy (ATP).

• Lori’s personal journey with emotional eating, which started at age four as a response to trauma, and how she broke the binge-diet cycle.

• Why willpower fails when the prefrontal cortex goes offline during states of nervous system dysregulation.

• How to stop "hacking" your nervous system and start listening to it using Lori's daily check-in strategies.

Chapters:
0:00 Introducing Laurie Montrie and “You’re Not the Problem”
2:56 Why Laurie chose the book’s central message
4:23 Childhood adaptations and believing we are the problem
8:23 The conditions needed for lasting change
11:33 Treating the nervous system as a compass
21:02 Returning to the body and sitting with emotions
25:14 Laurie’s journey through emotional eating and trauma
33:34 Why women seek somatic coaching
43:39 Nervous-system regulation, horses, and the body’s GPS
50:27 First steps for listening to your nervous system
53:50 Closing reflections and invitation to share

Resources & Links Mentioned:

• Grab Lori's free guide, Your Nervous System Is Talking, Learning to Listen, at https://www.lorimontry.com/guide

• Read Lori’s book, You're Not the Problem, to dive deeper into somatic healing. https://a.co/d/04L29KiR

• Website: https://www.lorimontry.com/

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourenottheproblem

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/LoriMontry